Saturday, July 11, 2015

Life after the lost

I thought I was okay, I thought I can live my life happily but now almost a year later I still feel the same kind of sadness that I felt before. I have been struggling with this emotional roller coaster of crying, depress, laughter, smiling, angry, regret and many more for about a year. Dealing with the lost of my mother is not easy for a daughter to handle. Suddenly I find myself totally alone and have no where to turn to.



Everyday has been a struggle. The loneliness that creep inside of me is very hard to ignore. When facing with difficult situation in my life, I look around and there's no one there {at least not the one who really genuinely care about me and my well being},  for me to consult. Ramadan is the worst for me just because this used to be one of my mom's favorite month. I kept thinking about her and missing her every second of the day. 

I dreamt about her yesterday. In my dream I got to hug her and tell her everything about my life. I missed her so much. The void that she left behind has not been filled and it's slowly killing me inside. I tried so many things to stop myself from falling down into depression hole but so far I am hanging by a thread here. Holding ever so tightly so that I will not fall. It's exhausting and it's hard.

me and my mom

I have heard it all before:
    - Death is inevitable, accept it and move on
    - Allah is with you, don't be sad
    - Dua
    - recite Quran
     and many more....


faiz05

I've tried everything. It works for awhile but when the excitement and thrill are gone, I look around there's no one there. This whole experience really teach me to be completely depend on Allah. I have to keep reminding myself that nothing is ever permanent in this world. I will follow my mom one day but I am not sure if I will ever meet her again. 

Times like this really reminds me why I love memory keeping and scrapbooking. I am thankful that I took the time to capture my life and hers in photos. These are a few of tangible items of her that I can look back and enjoy.


parents_KLIA_001

raya11

My mom was a natural born memory keeper. She loves taking photos and she insist that we took a photo of our family at least once a year.

IMG_9200

aidilfitri2011-04

IMG_9400

IMG_1663

IMG_1889

I miss you emak. Thank you for being the mother to me and teach me about life. You are my inspiration. I am at awe with your strength and your courage. I hope I am as strong as you.

Al-Fatihah to Hajjah Zaliha binti Hashim.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Good or bad is Good

Saya hari ni tidak sama dengan saya sepuluh tahun yang lepas. Banyak perkara yang saya belajar dan pengalaman hidup yang saya tempohi untuk ...